reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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