I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
