***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
MIDGETS
????
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
