apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
