Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
