i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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