Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
