Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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