i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
