I didn't shave. On purpose
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
