i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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