I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
