Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
