I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
