I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
