That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
