i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
