he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
