Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
