just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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