sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
he puts the penis in happiness.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
