I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
