So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
