the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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