Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
