he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i already hear my dad disowning me
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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