third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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