margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i will never coherently bang her
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
