Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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