I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
