when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
