Christians are straight up FREAKS
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Randomize
