I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Mom said you looked used
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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