Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
please don't ironically join a cult
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