I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
