so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
