hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
