I wannas sexs uuuuu
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
