Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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