I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
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