Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
