I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
