Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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