Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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