My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
