Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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