Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
