I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
