This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
