consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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