Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
