just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
