I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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