hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
