I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
